Australia
This article was added by the user . TheWorldNews is not responsible for the content of the platform.

Can you give a woman a compliment on her appearance? Not any more, it seems

September 26, 2023 — 7.00pm

There was a time when I felt comfortable giving a compliment to a woman on the street. I would say something like, “You look very smart. I think your dress is lovely.” It was entirely innocent; there was no ulterior motive, and it wasn’t a puerile attempt at a chat-up line.

But if I were to give a similar compliment to a woman now, chances are it’d be seen as a bit creepy.

Giving a compliment feels riskier than ever before.

Giving a compliment feels riskier than ever before.

I had to give up trying to read statement T-shirts after it became clear that trying to read the message ran the risk of offending the wearer. But I would argue, and plea, that if you don’t like being looked at by strangers on the street, why wear a T-shirt with words on it and invite unwanted stares?

You might wonder why I once felt it was significant for a woman to know what I was thinking. Or, more precisely, what were my motivations in giving a compliment to begin with if not trying to pick someone up? Well, for the simple fact that receiving a compliment can be lovely.

Trust me, if I am paid a compliment on my appearance – something exceedingly rare these days – I feel both amazed and wondering if I am the subject of a Specsavers commercial. Once, when I was walking in Kings Domain, I was stopped by a much younger woman who asked if she could take a photograph of me on the basis that I looked really comfortable in my clothes. When I pointed out that was likely because I was in my weekend baggies, she replied, “Don’t worry, I’ll leave your head off.” So, was this a compliment? Maybe, maybe not.

Loading

There have been occasions in the past when I have asked a woman if she would mind if I complimented her choice of colours in her outfit, the cut of her coat or her smart suit. The few times I have done this, I have been greeted with thanks and even a smile. Clearly, asking first seems to be the new etiquette for these kinds of exchanges.

Grey hair and being well past the first flush of youth is no excuse to make someone uncomfortable, of course, but it seems the line between compliment and feeble attempt at picking up someone has been completely blurred. The question I am left with is whether women and men actually like receiving compliments on their appearance to begin with. We have no problem complimenting a person on a job well done or an achievement, so it seems the problem lies in the personal.

I accept that a compliment, depending on the setting and tone, could be seen as a kind of harassment. If a male employer compliments a young female staff member on her short skirt, that would not be appropriate. Saying “nice frock” to a co-worker, however, should not be considered a threat. Perhaps it is different when the compliment is paid to somebody of the same gender as there is, for the most part, less risk of ambiguity. Or perhaps age plays a role, with men and women of the same social era feeling more like equals.

Loading

Men are now too scared to give compliments to a woman lest their words be met with a withering rebuke. But if a woman gave a man a compliment, especially if she does not know him well or at all, would there be a difference? It’s hard to imagine them being given an earful and being told to bugger off.

Should you find yourself wanting to give a compliment based on someone’s appearance, I understand the need for necessary caution, but I can’t help think we have lost something if we can no longer simply recognise and celebrate something about another person – male or female.

Maybe the answer lies in taking a page from the Dutch. They celebrate an annual National Compliment Day each March. It was created to bring people together, build relationships and “make the world a better place”.

While it’s a great idea, it’s a pity that a national reminder is needed. For if we cancel the impromptu compliment in the street altogether, we lose the ability to spontaneously make someone’s day.

Have we really become so timid and mindful of not wanting to cause offence that we have to lose out on that little fillip of self-esteem that can come from someone offering up a short sentence to put a spring in our steps? Lose that, and we lose something which might matter more than we think.

Christopher Bantick is a freelance writer based in Melbourne.

The Opinion newsletter is a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own. Sign up here.