DEAR DEIDRE: I HOOKED up with someone else after a blazing row with my boyfriend and now I’m filled with guilt.
I’m scared if I come clean he will break up with me. I’m 25, he’s 27. We’ve been together for four years.
Our relationship has always been steady but since we moved in together six months ago it’s been pretty full on.
We’ve been arguing constantly, and at times I’ve started to wonder if I’d be better off finishing it.
I don’t know how we got here, but two weeks ago we had our most intense fight. We both said some hurtful things but I couldn’t shake the way he had spoken to me.
He told me he was sick of being with a “killjoy”, and that “we would be better off apart”.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
When he stormed off and didn’t come home I was distraught.
Looking back I feel so stupid, but I convinced myself we were over.
I wasn’t thinking straight when I downloaded a dating app and immediately started messaging a man I’d never met for a couple of hours — it was intense.
The next night when my boyfriend still hadn’t come home, I invited the bloke over.
We had sex within 30 minutes of him arriving and soon as we’d finished, he left. Afterwards I felt so alone.
I would never have done it unless I’d thought my relationship was over.
Then a few days later my boyfriend returned and apologised.
I hate lying to him but I’m worried sick that if he finds out it’ll break him. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: We all make mistakes. But do ask yourself why you rushed into having sex with a stranger.
It’s always better to resolve any relationship issues either way before starting something new.
If you are sure you want to stay with your boyfriend and work things through, discuss the changes you need to see.
While being honest about your one-night stand may feel like the best policy, ask yourself if you are doing this simply to alleviate your own guilt.
If you learn from this experience, I’m not convinced telling your boyfriend would help either of you.
My support packs Feeling Guilty and Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.
But please, if you still have doubts about your boyfriend then do the honest thing and explain that your heart isn’t in the relationship any more.
