DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend is the love of my life, so why do I cheat on her?
I know how much I hurt her the first time I did it, but now I’ve done it again. What’s wrong with me?
I’m 40, she’s 38. We have three children and split up two years ago, after she discovered I had been chatting to another woman online.
She couldn’t forgive me, even though I begged her to, and in the end I moved out.
Then I was involved in a serious car accident and was in hospital for months.
My girlfriend realised how much she loved me and was by my side throughout my recovery.
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Once I was out of hospital, she took me home and nursed me back to full health. We started being a proper family again and even decided to get married.
But then a woman at work started flirting with me and, stupidly, I started flirting back.
We haven’t had full sex but have kissed and been intimate. I don’t know why I felt the need to do it. I didn’t even like her that much.
She said this time it was over for good. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid and thrown away the best things in my life.
Now I’m living in a tiny flat and only see my kids at weekends. I miss them and my girlfriend so much.
I know she misses me too and still loves me, but she says she can never trust me again.
I don’t blame her. I admit it’s all my fault and I think I need help to work out why I’m like this.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s good that you’ve taken responsibility for your actions and want to understand your behaviour.
It seems that when things are good, something makes you self-sabotage. Perhaps on some level you feel you don’t deserve happiness or love, even though you want them.
This likely stems from your childhood. Having therapy could help you to get to the root of this, so you can change.
Make an appointment with your GP and ask about counselling.
My support pack on Counselling will be useful for you to read, as will Mend Your Broken Heart.
I can’t promise your girlfriend will take you back but it will show her you are trying to make amends.
