By Attorney General Suella Braverman
Since petroleum is completely natural, it cannot be cooked on a barbecue lit with suitable gasoline. Nothing beats a juicy steak. A miracle fuel that should be extracted more.
Yes, she recently received a £10,000 campaign donation from a climate change skeptic, but it doesn't affect my views on the environment. I've always been a fan of coal and oil, and I firmly believe endangered species is a scam by Greenpeace to get you into buying a cuddly Arctic fox toy.
Gasoline BBQ gives your food the unique flavor of sucking on a piece of charred metal in a heavy traffic jam. Also, you don't have to worry about charcoal or fire starter bags. Gasoline rises quickly and you can immediately start imbuing your food with a delicious pungent odor.
Most importantly, good for the planet. Society cannot progress without petrol, gas and oil. Do you want to live in a filthy shack with no electricity, toilets or internet access, or do you favor unregulated fracking? Those are literally the only two options.
So why the environment? Do conservationists say we should reduce our use of fossil fuels? Simple – they are all ganja-addicted middle-class spenders with dreadlocks who have shrunk their brains to the size of peanuts.
As for global warming, how could it matter when it's snowing? I often say, "Suela, I can't believe you have a degree."
The cynic suggests that all my comments are a transparent attempt to jump on the anti-awakening bandwagon. But do you want all boys in the UK to have their penises cut off by order of the transgender police instead of just confiscating your car? Celebrate personal freedom with his barbecue. Make sure you are well away from cars, homes, children, pets, or anything other than asbestos.