Hollywood’s screens of blood, gore & bore
THE Oscars have gone the way of brassieres. Not everyone’s into them anymore. Tom Cruise again leaping smashing banging and not a hair — even in his nose — moves?
Theaters, empty. Projectionists don’t even show up. In some places the popcorn last popped when “Casablanca” opened. “Glass Onion” in the city’s greatest most perfect theater — the Paris, 58th off Fifth — had 10 patrons.
Russell Crowe’s statuette might not increase the size of roles offered but the size of eggs laid. Why? Because he actually keeps the thing in his chicken barn.
Our population today? Migrants. Think they’re eager to see films on artificial intelligence? Think seniors rush to see stars they don’t know, can’t pronounce, have unfamiliar backgrounds and every reel is stabbing, killing, dismembering? What ever happened to June, moon, spoon and customers?
Hollywood. Where actresses of 22 are considered senior citizens. Where there’s such jealousy that they stab you in the front. Where vasectomies are sold door to door — and this is what decides what ordinary souls want to see?
The movie colony knows love between two people is life’s wonderful experience — no matter what the right two people are. And these are the brains making films for everyday folk who plant seeds, own oxen and raise kids?
How about what’s being lauded: “All Quiet on the Western Front.” War. Brutal.
“The Banshees of Inisherin.” About someone cutting off a finger. “Triangle of Sadness” is storm, sinking ship, people whoopsing. “Avatar”? “Top Gun”? And “The Sea Beast” — terrifying creatures plus monster hunters.
Lights, camera, lots in action
MOVIE producer Julian Schlossberg. Was Walter Reade exec, radio’s “Movie Talk” host, film buyer, Paramount VP. So what is it with the Academy Awards?
“Adults grew up in a different world. Young people, today’s buyers, want action films. Nothing to do with grown-up interests, today’s problems or our enjoyments. Teens and 20s want action — stuff we wouldn’t want to see.
“Mel Brooks’ original film ‘The Producers,’ it played at two theaters. Flopped everywhere. After it became a hit show and after he made ‘Young Frankenstein’ he and his movies all of a sudden came back. Listen, we have to hold on to the ledge. We must. We cannot let go.”
Right now Schlossberg’s new book is “Try Not To Hold It Against Me: A Producer’s Life.” He’s still holding on.
‘Inside’ man
ART thief in the movie “Inside,” Willem Dafoe breaks into a luxury downtown apartment. Can’t get out. Everything’s locked. Not for hours or days but months. Dafoe says movie doesn’t smell but he did.
“It’s one person interacting with himself. Movies are powerful when they aren’t just an exotic idea — but when they inspire a different way of looking at things. We let my hair grow. Nails grow. Didn’t wash. Got dirty. Every day I got rougher and deeper into character and smell.”
Nice. In theaters March 17. The aroma might linger until November.
OUR Father Which Art In Heaven created moviemakers because He felt sorry for actors. He gave producers mansions, pools, sun, money. The only price they had to pay was to surrender their talent.
To quote New Yorkers: Only in Hollywood, kids, only in Hollywood.
