Sunday. The Grammys.
Nothing beats the pizazz. Sequins glued onto the actual crotch. Boobs booting up for their closeup. Underarm hair braided. Behinds getting hand-appliqued seed pearls. Pants so tight you can tell if the guy just did it or he’s vamping until he does.
Star names? Forget Frank, Mel, Barry. Don’t even think something that sounds like Kate Smith. We’re talking Adam and the Ants, Alice in Chains, Five Finger Death Punch, English rock group Arctic Monkeys.
Clive Davis, the music world’s most famous, five Grammy Awards, created Whitney Houston, Blood, Sweat & Tears, Pink Floyd, Billy Joel, etc. Done an autobio. Had a documentary. Immortalized in a film. So how did he begin?
Clive: “Accident. I’d lost both parents as a teenager. No money. I was a lawyer and went to work in a theatrical agency. It handled Columbia Records. I was young. Going through divorce. No training musically. Never heard of Haight-Ashbury. Those people had flowers in their hair and I was in khaki pants and sweaters. I studied. Learned. And with unknown Janis Joplin I got an epiphany.
“For $10,000 I bought her contract then signed Blood, Sweat & Tears, Chicago, Santana, Earth Wind & Fire, Pink Floyd, Donovan, on and on” — and Stanley Tucci played him in the Whitney Houston lifestory.
“I do nothing with the Grammy production. Mine’s the famous night before gala. Heads of every record company, film studio, movie stars, music stars fill a thousand Beverly Hills Grand Ballroom seats. It’s Nancy Pelosi’s 23rd straight year attending my party.
“I wait until nominations come out. Like a Lizzo or Doja Cat might wait to know. Then, some can’t come if they’re touring, or nowhere near LA or live in London or angry they weren’t nominated. Other than that they all come.
“Remember,” he told me, “I had no backbone in music. I don’t read music. And I don’t play music. But that’s my true story.”
They’re copping pleas
From a working high level police officer:
“Cops are yentas. They always deal with other cops. Need heart surgery? You talk to another cop.” And: “Know this. The NYPD has something on everybody.”
It’s such a fine time for wine
New brand of vino — called Single Married Divorced sparkling wine — is pouring for Valentine’s Day. Before you hic out that whole name you’ve probably sobered up.
It’s getting a big ride out East. Great because nothing — including traffic — ever goes anywhere in the Hamptons. Wrong Way Corrigan’s still stuck on Route 27.
Saturday, Westhampton Fine Wine on Montauk Highway, does a 2-to-5 p.m. pre-launch tasting. Plus the chamber of commerce is lending support for the Women in Business campaign.
In the immortal words of Seymour Plato who told one wino: “A glass in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
And I, Plato’s descendant, have figured out the migrant situation. No problem. Just ship them all to Delaware.
An idea created only in New York, kids, only in New York.
