ORDERED a cask ale only to be charged a preposterous sum of money? These are the ridiculous made-up reasons why:
It’s from an independent brewery
The barman will mutter this as if it means something then quickly change the subject before you register that it’s nonsense. Independent from what, rational pricing? Now you have to make your pint last all night because there’s no f**king way you can afford to get another round in.
There’s high quality hops in it
That’s as maybe. But have you ever tasted poor quality hops? No, because it’s impossible to tell the difference when they’re swimming around in malt and yeast. You don’t even know what regular hops taste like. You assume it’s some sort of grainy flavour but you’re not totally sure. It’s too late now anyway, drink up.
You’re paying for premium pretentiousness
You aren’t just paying for a pint. You’re paying for the dimpled glass. You’re paying to be in a bar with wooden pallets inexplicably nailed to the walls. You’re paying for a twentysomething with a waxed moustache wearing a flat cap to pour it for you. You can’t put a price on that. The barman can though, it’s £8.99 a go.
Production process bollocks
The particular ale you ordered is made with a bullshit ‘holistic production method’ to bring out the flavour. Translation: the guy who ladles this stuff out of his bathtub has to be paid a living wage. Next time go for a beer brewed in a huge vat churned by a machine. It tastes just as good and costs less.
Russia/ Liz Truss/ recession
The world is currently a clusterf**k of financial calamities so any of these factors could be to blame. Grain comes from Ukraine and there’s grain in cask ales, right? F**k knows. Meanwhile Liz Truss tanking the pound probably hasn’t helped. Don’t forget the looming recession either. Actually, of course you should. That’s why you’re drinking.